Breaking News

Hello! I just feel like to blog now. Anyway Happy New Years Eve everyone! Hope you all have a blessing day on new year. People will got drunk, get laid, etc..etc.. -__-' And I'm gonna be eighteen soon. aah, how time flies. :P I'm all grown ups. My feelings are all mixed up together. :P eighteen? it's a big number. So I can decide what to do, what I want to do. No more parental advisory. hehe. Imagine it was ten years ago, where I was eight and I watched Pokemon, Digimon, Doraemon, Shin Chan etc..etc.. I had a lot of fun during my childhood. :D I'd like to tell you here, but it'll be 2 pages long. ;)

Anyway, I think I got a date! His name is David. He's a nice guy, really. :) We're going out on Monday which is I can't wait for it. :D he's 22. Quite old for me, but he doesn't looks like 22, he looks some sort of 18. xD He can do many thing, he draws portraits, draw natures, he plays guitar, and more.. :D I think I like him a lot. heee My mum said he's perfect. :P

And Adi? I'm going to meet him on Friday. Adi is a sort of random typical guy. He's 20. I know he got the look, he's handsome. I can't deny that. But he's kind of a playboy guy. >.< he's good in words, every girl will fall for him, indeed. ;P I fall for him too. I will make him as a friend though. :D

well, thats all. I wish you a happy new year! Have fun.

Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. although I don't really celebrate it. :P Nothing really fascinating happened on Christmas here in Poland. but all the shops are closed for three days in a row. Even shopping malls, Carrefour. -__-' It was sort of LAME. gaah.

anyway, I told you about the guy I met on FB, he ask me to go out for a pizza at the mall. I was too excited about it. I asked my mum if I can go. Take a bus and meet him. then my mum said no. WTF? she thought that I want to go his house and meet him. and then I just STFU. I was very upset. :( what actually I and Adi planned was to go to focus mall. and we'll meet over there. and my mum misunderstood me. few days after, I told her again about it, then said, "you can go, actually. you can just take the bus and the driver will bring you there. Me and dad went there just now" I was like WTF! Adi is not even online his FB. I can't even contact him, maybe he's busy with his Christmas celebrations. gaaaah! I'm so pissed off. I really wanted to meet him. :/

i will soon i guess. i'll be seeing ya soon! byebye :)

Boyfriend. :/

I don't know why, suddenly I need a boyfriend. I'm so jealous of those kissing pictures. GAAAH! :( I met one guy, on Facebook. his name is A**, he lives nearby my place. But he's studying in college so he stays in student hostel. He's so nice, funny, charming, my kind of guy. We chat all night long. He asked something about having boyfriend, I said I wanted to. aaaah. he's just so cute. He said he really wants to meet me. He'll be around next week. I don't know what to say! I wish I could meet him, but at the same time, I'm kinda scared. My mum lets me meet him. :D So, I guess, I will. Wish me luck. I will update really soon and I'll tell more about him. hihi. Thanks Bloggers. :)

Alone

I just need someone to talked to, a shoulder to cry on when I'm sad. Sometimes I want an imaginary friends. Who will be there for me every time or who I can talk to about everything. Or maybe a pet to calmed me down. I wish I can have a dog. I just need someone to understand my feelings and my sadness and my boring little life. :(

Someone in need. Indeed

Day by day passed. I should start enjoying my life. But how? I just can't. This house became the house of sadness and miserable-ness house. I feel like nobody in this house. Mama's gets more stressed day by day. With the madness little monster Sofea around. She's just out of control. Nobody can stand her. The moment when I heard mama's shouting and crying everyday while I was pretending to sleep in my room. Guilt surrounded me, what should I do? should I get up and get her or should I just pretend to sleep like nothing happened? I feel guilty almost all the time. Should I do this or should I not do this. I al most cried everytime I heard mama's started to piss off and shouted to Sofea. And no single fuck was given from Ayah. Why does he has to be such an ignorant?

Mama always said to me, she can't take this anymore, she give up. I just can't stand her saying that word. Sometimes I just feel like it's my fault. Not helping her with everything. And Ayah don't even give a shit about what's going on. What kind of life I'm living now? Sometimes I just hate my life. I still want to live, not to give up but what for when you're just living your life like bunch of shit. People always say shit happens. But shit happens to me like every single day.

Sometimes I just feel like to get out from the house and never come back, but I wouldn't do that. Mama needs me. Even Hakim and Sofea need me. I love them to infinity.

And Sofea, she is such a little cheeky baby! I pissed off a lot with her. With her mischievous little face. She's a very demanding little girl. Taking care of her is the hardest task. But when I remember back then when she's asleep, I think she is the most adorable little girl ever lived on earth :)

I miss her. Can't wait to see her tomorrow. She just made my day more colorful :)

Love you ;)

Well, I waste a gallon of tears on my birthday. All mixed up feelings. I just wished I can celebrate my birthday with my friends and celebrate with my family or either one of them, but none to me :( some people, they have their friends if they don't have family, sometimes with family if they don't have friends. I cried all night, my eyes are swollen. They don't know how special my sweet 17th birthday to me :( I sleep until night it's night, but then my mum came to me and talked to me and apologized. but still I can't stand the pain inside me. Then I finally managed to get up, and check my Facebook. A lot of wishes. And a message from my mum and she said there,

''Hi Sayang! So sorry mama was depress on your birthday.....really sorry about that! BTW I'm still depress now, but I want to take this opportunity to wish you "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", and as usual I really don't know what to give you as a present some more I am blank and just cannot think of anything.

But, one day, when all this problem is over, every year we will celebrate your birthday and every year you will get your present. Well at least that's my wish lah.......

I love you Sayang with all my heart. Remembered you are the first human being that love me unconditionally and I will always love you unconditionally too.......

My wish for your birthday - that I can bring you out from this living hell life as soon as possible, I want to give you everything that you deserve for in life, all the beautiful things that you deserve and all the happiness that you deserve in life. I want to give you that.....

Once again "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and I really really really love you so so so very much!''

And I started to weep after I read this message. That message was really meaningful. :'( I felt touched and sad and happy all blended together. I don't know what to reply. That message was deeply meaningful to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH MAMA! This is already meaningful to me. I LOVE YOU TO INFINITY! :')

I never gets anything from my dad, he didn't even wish for my birthday. I just know him, a total complete of ignorance. -_-' I don't even care.

Anyway, that's all I want to share with you readers and bloggers. Hope to see you again :)

17th birthday ;)

Wew weww nee noo nee noo. well it's my 17th birthday today! :D well nothing happens actually :( just couple of friends on Facebook sends me wishes. Thank you guys! I appreciate that a lot :) the first one who wished for my birthday was my very best friend, Anita Roslan. Thank you my dear! I'm really really bored staying here. I want to talk to you, I miss you so badly. And sometimes I just want to run away from home! :/ Even my parents haven't wished my birthday yet. I know I'll never get presents from them. I just knew :'( Even my stepfather wished for me. Just FML. Thanks to my friends who really wished for me on my birthday! I MISS AND LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! <3 I wished a lot of things for my birthday and I don't know they will come true or it will comes true 50 years from now on. :/ WTF. And I never enjoyed my birthdays before! Not even one of them. Maybe it was when my one year old birthday like everyone else does. GAAAAH! Whatever it is, I just gotta move on but I will, I WILL make sure on my 18th birthday will be awesome as fuck! hell yeah! :P let's not talk about this anymore. hehee

See the photo above? It's not mine, I got it from Google. Thank you, Google. Just FYI, it's snowing in Poland!! Hahahaa. Awesomee! At first, I look through the window, I thought it was raindrops but hell yeah, it's snowflakes! It was so beautiful! Me and my brother went downstairs to enjoy our very first snowww! hihi. It feels like raindrops fall on us, but it's cold. teheee  It was very nicee. Everything was so white and icy. We just loved it! Then the next day, no more snow since it's raining, but I'm pretty sure it will fall again since it's winter season here. Christmas decorations everywhere. My brother is so excited for Christmas for no reasons, because  for his information, Santa won't come if we are poor. :) That's the fact. But I didn't tell him. I'll broke his heart because I'm a very nice person. Very nice :) Well that's all I guess. See you very soon readers and bloggers! and Merry Christmas :D

Europe :)

                        That's a picture of me, my mom and my siblings at Romer Square, Germany :)


I kind of miss Malaysia. Miss my dear friends :') FYI, I'm staying in Poland right now. gaaah. It should be snowing right now, but there's no snow! WHATTHEHECK?! :( Maybe in December, I hope so. If not, no snow on Christmas eve! :'( Poland is a very nice country I supposed. :D The weather is just perfect. And the people are VERY NICE! unlike Germany, they are rude and arrogant! >:O

But Germany is a very nice country! The weather, environment are just perfect. :) And Germany people are very big. Even teenagers. I felt so small back then. Polish people are just average. Not so small and not so big. I like living in Poland, although they don't speak English, they still tried to talk and communicate with me. :)

I don't know how to end this. Let's just say, Goodbye and have a great day! 

Tears

Tears that drops from the right eye indicates your tears of happiness. And tears that drops from the left eye indicates your tears of sadness. :) But sometimes I just want to cry for no reason.

Breaking Dawn Part 1

I just watched this movie. And it really made my day! This movie was fucking awesome. I can't wait for part 2. Ya know, my mad feelings just gone after I watched this movie. Honestly I cried. :') It's really really sweet! I LOVE IT. I mean I love all of the twilight saga. :) Never missed even one of them. The romance is just so meaningful and I'm so touched :') SERIOUSLY I CAN'T WAIT FOR PART 2. :)

Nightmare.

What the fuck is happening here?! You know, every fucking night is a fucking nightmare to me! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING NIGHT! Is this what I have to do for my whole life?! OH FUCK OFF, i'm gonna end up killing myself! This is not what I want! Nobody fucking appreciate me, nobody fucking empathy me, nobody gives a shit about what I have done before! Nobody even understands me. I have nobody to talked to. I used to have my very best friend to talk to about ALL MY FUCKING PROBLEMS! But now I have nobody. I need my best friend. She's the only one who can understand me. And I don't know how to express my feelings now, so I'm gonna let go all of it here. I don't give a fuck about what I'm doing right now! I feel like crying everyday. I feel pissed off with everyone. I just want to disappear from all of these. THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANT. I have a bad dream in every single night. I hate this! hate hate hate hate this! I hate my life, FUCK MY LIFE! I'm not a good daughter, I failed to be a sister. I fight with my father. I don't want all these things happen! Why is this happening to me? THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANT!!! I hate this, I hate everything. I wish I can just go into a coma to just a little peace for just a little while. I wish I can take heroine and don't gives a shit about everything. I maybe a little over-reacting right now. But this is what I feel. I know there's more people have more problems than me. But i'm seventeen. I should be enjoying my life. NOT THIS! Every seventeen years old teenager doesn't have to face like these kind of fucking problems like me. I'm so jealous! I'm so fucked up. My emotions are all blended together and I have no fucking idea how will it be. Maybe Bipolar? Fuck this shit! FUCK EVERYTHING!

UPSR?

Well well, all I can say is congratulations to all UPSR students who got 5A's. :) Good job eh? I see plenty of them got 5A's. I mean was the exam easy as f**k? They got 5A and tell to facebook like, 'hey I got 5A'. and that's it? you don't feel the enthusiasm? When I was twelve, I got 4A's I was like jumping like crazy monkey. I mean for me it was so hard ya know. How bout these kids? some of them already knew their result before the result actually comes out? like WTH? but still anyway, congratulations to them anyway :)

They laughed at me because I'm different, I laughed at them because they're all the same -Kurt Cobain

I don't that quote got nothing to do with this post. But that's for the end of this post. teheee. byebye :)

Kurt Cobain

I'd rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I am not. -Kurt Cobain

Such a beautiful talented young man. At a very young age to be gone forever. :'( what a shame. He committed suicide on the year 1994, the year I was born. I'm missing someone i've never even met. He left us with a note saying he's tired of living, and better to burn out than to fade away. He said he was in pain. In pain for a long time. I admire his career, his voice, his music. He managed to success in his life even though he miserably living his life.



in 1992, he married to Courtney Love. I don't know why people insult and make jokes about her. I salute her for her decision to live with this guy who I believe barely functioning. It's not easy to live with this kind of people. You need a lot of patience. I'm just saying. Thereafter, she gave birth to a very beautiful daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. she's now 19 years old. such a beautiful girl.

Eventually, Kurt committed suicide in 1994 at his house in Lake Washington with a note he left. The day when he was gone was the day music eventually dies. Everybody were heartbroken to hear about the news. Such a talented man :( I will always remember you Kurt. R.I.P.

Nobody dies a virgin, life fucks us all

Wanting to be someone else is the waste of person you are

We have no right to express an opinion until we know all of the answers

:) that's all I can say. I love you Kurt. R.I.P....

Lake Baikal

see this beautiful lake? This one called Lake Baikal. It's located in Irkutsk, Russia. and I'm going to pay a visit there since I'm going to take my train from Irkutsk. Oh my God I can't wait to get out from this country. But I'll miss my friend though. :'(

Travel the world

okay okay. suddenly I felt like updating this crazy old blog because I got nothing else to do. muahahahaa. I've been not very busy BUT i'm too lazy to update this blog. when I'm not using this blog, I got like a trillion great ideas to write about, but when I want to update my blog, NOTHING comes in my mind. pathetically pathetic --,

I've been spending my life by wasting my time. BTW, I colored my hair! It's pink. here, take a look,




ehehee, but not the whole hair, some few spots there. :P well my family's been planning about us going to migrate to other country, which is RUSSIA. I can't hardly wait man. My mum said we're going to take a visit around Europe. but only Germany I think. haha. and the other plan is, we take a flight to Mongolia and travel by train from Irkutsk to Moscow which is three days travelling in the train. -.- I'll need a 'butt' massage when I reach Moscow. Muahahaha. I know I'm being such a brag right now, but I think this is the best way to express my brag-ness. teheee.

Russian Language Class

hey ya'all. Zdrastvuycye! (hello) N Dobrejeyn! (good evening) :D haven't update any news yet, so im going to update today. i want to talk about my Russian language class. :P it has been a month, and now it's getting a little tougher. --.
I went to the class with my dad. and before, we're going everyday with bike. so f**king exhausting. then, i got an idea to go there by train. and it's working!! hoyeah. at least i dont feel that tired. I go everyday by KTM train from Sg. Buloh to KL Sentral. and then continue my 'journey' from there to Ampang Park, and just have to walk a little bit from the LRT station to the class. :D same thing when im going home. I like it! AND THAT'S THE FIRST TIME RIDE ON A TRAIN.......BY MYSELF. :D so feel like grown-ups! :)

well, i'm going to Russia early September, which is early Autumn. :) the weather's quite cold, but not as cold as winter -.- i can't believe those Russians still going to school when it's winter. WTH?! and im going to face that soon. idk how im going to face the frozen-ess! God help me. but yeah, i can't wait also to go there. since im doing nothing here in Malaysia besides going to the class everyday. :P i'll be updating soon enough if i got stories. :) Dasvidaniya. (goodbye in Russia) have to practice a little bit of the language. :)

Amplifiers

YES! Finally I got my guitar amplifier! setelah sekian lama menunggu request yang tak dapat2. syok gila dapat main electric guitar. WEHEEE! thanks ma, thanks ayah. :) it was so fun. it's almost perfect. and im going to learn tons of songs soon! :D

I hate myself :O

Rasa mcm nak bunuh diri je! nak tahu kenapa? masalah datang bebalun-balun tahu tak? dari dulu sampai sekarang. happy happy pun sekejap je. sekejap mcm tu, sekejap mcm ni. eeh! geram lah sial! lepas tu, family sorang sorang pentingkan diri sendiri. kawan2 pulak? tak pernah nak jaga hati kawan sendiri. ingat tak ada perasaan ke? orang memang la cakap sabar..sabar, tapi hakikat nye macam mana nak sabar? :S haritu masalah dah cukup besar. decide nak lari, lepas tu nak serabut2 orang lain yang jadi mangsa keadaan. memang la cite nak fikir over the wall. tapi tak payah la sampai over gila. elok2 orang tak serabut jadi serabut. orang yang ada life jadi takde life terus. tak tahu la ape korang nak cakap. kita ni bukan dah matang mana nak cakap bende2 yang lebih2 ni. tapi tu yang tersirat dalam diri. nak kena luahkan. tak nak pendam. lagi sakit hati membuak-buak kan.

lagipun, kan orang cakap, kalau kita tengah marah habis semua isi2 dalam hati terkeluar habis. sebab sekarang ni tengah marah la ni. dia orang cakap kita tak payah la fikir banyak2, tapi last2 kita yang serabut. lepas tu dok gaduh sana sini. mcm mana nak jalan kalau mcm ni? sumpah memang serabut gila la. rasa macam nak lari pun ada. rasa mcm dah bosan dengan hidup ni. baru umur 17, rasa mcm dah penat hidup.

sorry kalau ada yang tersinggung kalau baca benda ni. tapi ni la yang kita nak luahkan. tak sanggup nak pendam. :'(

Fuck the generation

to tha-bitch :

you wanna know something, bitch? you shouldn't have born in this world, you know that? you only brings disaster to everyone around you. and yet, all your siblings also shouldn't have born. as the time goes by, they increase the population of a people like YOU. there are NO benefits at all for you to born in this world. you are useless, stupid, moron and again, USELESS! you know, i've been like your closest person in your life. but now, i feel like kicking your ass off and spit you in the face.

this is a warning for you, you enjoy your beautiful life right now. enjoy it to the very lovely moment because you are going to hell after this. you will be no longer enjoying your life happily and peacefully. i will never ever make you live in peace. i will make you regret to born in this world. i will make you live in hell.

and no wonder THEY really hate you. they regret knowing you, and i regret to have you in my life. you are nothing but a fugly bitch. those guys who really want to fuck her, well i know she's the bitch, but not her you really want to fuck. i don't know what's with the guys. for sure, they are really messed up just like her. :)

love, Teyha Azmi. :)

HeartRob :)

isn't he such a cutie? he is my one and only so-called-vampire. :D anyway, that photo is just for display. OMG! i haven't update this friggin blog for a like decade! sorry, busy with that so-called-new-thing to me called 'Tumblr'. hehe. its addictive for your information. how's my life? i am super great. you know, i shopped a lot these lately, almost like everyday i went out shopping or anything. i dont even care about school cause im going off! haha.

you know, since i didn't go to school, i dont know what's happening outside. and i dont even have a good conversation with my friends since we haven't met for so long. i just don't know what to talk about. hmm. and yeah about the island2 thingy i was talking about a long time ago, like below,



or maybe this,



well, my mum said she wants to go to Johor for some business and stuff, and of course me and my family are going. i asked her whether we can go somewhere else or not, and i suggested Pulau Tioman, and she said it's a good idea. and i was like 'goddamnit!' yeah! finally i can go to those pretty island with crystal blue ocean. this is the best day of my life. i can't wait! seriously, Pulau Tioman is one of the most prettiest island in the world and i am going! wohooo! :D