Breaking News

Hello! I just feel like to blog now. Anyway Happy New Years Eve everyone! Hope you all have a blessing day on new year. People will got drunk, get laid, etc..etc.. -__-' And I'm gonna be eighteen soon. aah, how time flies. :P I'm all grown ups. My feelings are all mixed up together. :P eighteen? it's a big number. So I can decide what to do, what I want to do. No more parental advisory. hehe. Imagine it was ten years ago, where I was eight and I watched Pokemon, Digimon, Doraemon, Shin Chan etc..etc.. I had a lot of fun during my childhood. :D I'd like to tell you here, but it'll be 2 pages long. ;)

Anyway, I think I got a date! His name is David. He's a nice guy, really. :) We're going out on Monday which is I can't wait for it. :D he's 22. Quite old for me, but he doesn't looks like 22, he looks some sort of 18. xD He can do many thing, he draws portraits, draw natures, he plays guitar, and more.. :D I think I like him a lot. heee My mum said he's perfect. :P

And Adi? I'm going to meet him on Friday. Adi is a sort of random typical guy. He's 20. I know he got the look, he's handsome. I can't deny that. But he's kind of a playboy guy. >.< he's good in words, every girl will fall for him, indeed. ;P I fall for him too. I will make him as a friend though. :D

well, thats all. I wish you a happy new year! Have fun.

Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. although I don't really celebrate it. :P Nothing really fascinating happened on Christmas here in Poland. but all the shops are closed for three days in a row. Even shopping malls, Carrefour. -__-' It was sort of LAME. gaah.

anyway, I told you about the guy I met on FB, he ask me to go out for a pizza at the mall. I was too excited about it. I asked my mum if I can go. Take a bus and meet him. then my mum said no. WTF? she thought that I want to go his house and meet him. and then I just STFU. I was very upset. :( what actually I and Adi planned was to go to focus mall. and we'll meet over there. and my mum misunderstood me. few days after, I told her again about it, then said, "you can go, actually. you can just take the bus and the driver will bring you there. Me and dad went there just now" I was like WTF! Adi is not even online his FB. I can't even contact him, maybe he's busy with his Christmas celebrations. gaaaah! I'm so pissed off. I really wanted to meet him. :/

i will soon i guess. i'll be seeing ya soon! byebye :)

Boyfriend. :/

I don't know why, suddenly I need a boyfriend. I'm so jealous of those kissing pictures. GAAAH! :( I met one guy, on Facebook. his name is A**, he lives nearby my place. But he's studying in college so he stays in student hostel. He's so nice, funny, charming, my kind of guy. We chat all night long. He asked something about having boyfriend, I said I wanted to. aaaah. he's just so cute. He said he really wants to meet me. He'll be around next week. I don't know what to say! I wish I could meet him, but at the same time, I'm kinda scared. My mum lets me meet him. :D So, I guess, I will. Wish me luck. I will update really soon and I'll tell more about him. hihi. Thanks Bloggers. :)

Alone

I just need someone to talked to, a shoulder to cry on when I'm sad. Sometimes I want an imaginary friends. Who will be there for me every time or who I can talk to about everything. Or maybe a pet to calmed me down. I wish I can have a dog. I just need someone to understand my feelings and my sadness and my boring little life. :(

Someone in need. Indeed

Day by day passed. I should start enjoying my life. But how? I just can't. This house became the house of sadness and miserable-ness house. I feel like nobody in this house. Mama's gets more stressed day by day. With the madness little monster Sofea around. She's just out of control. Nobody can stand her. The moment when I heard mama's shouting and crying everyday while I was pretending to sleep in my room. Guilt surrounded me, what should I do? should I get up and get her or should I just pretend to sleep like nothing happened? I feel guilty almost all the time. Should I do this or should I not do this. I al most cried everytime I heard mama's started to piss off and shouted to Sofea. And no single fuck was given from Ayah. Why does he has to be such an ignorant?

Mama always said to me, she can't take this anymore, she give up. I just can't stand her saying that word. Sometimes I just feel like it's my fault. Not helping her with everything. And Ayah don't even give a shit about what's going on. What kind of life I'm living now? Sometimes I just hate my life. I still want to live, not to give up but what for when you're just living your life like bunch of shit. People always say shit happens. But shit happens to me like every single day.

Sometimes I just feel like to get out from the house and never come back, but I wouldn't do that. Mama needs me. Even Hakim and Sofea need me. I love them to infinity.

And Sofea, she is such a little cheeky baby! I pissed off a lot with her. With her mischievous little face. She's a very demanding little girl. Taking care of her is the hardest task. But when I remember back then when she's asleep, I think she is the most adorable little girl ever lived on earth :)

I miss her. Can't wait to see her tomorrow. She just made my day more colorful :)

Love you ;)

Well, I waste a gallon of tears on my birthday. All mixed up feelings. I just wished I can celebrate my birthday with my friends and celebrate with my family or either one of them, but none to me :( some people, they have their friends if they don't have family, sometimes with family if they don't have friends. I cried all night, my eyes are swollen. They don't know how special my sweet 17th birthday to me :( I sleep until night it's night, but then my mum came to me and talked to me and apologized. but still I can't stand the pain inside me. Then I finally managed to get up, and check my Facebook. A lot of wishes. And a message from my mum and she said there,

''Hi Sayang! So sorry mama was depress on your birthday.....really sorry about that! BTW I'm still depress now, but I want to take this opportunity to wish you "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", and as usual I really don't know what to give you as a present some more I am blank and just cannot think of anything.

But, one day, when all this problem is over, every year we will celebrate your birthday and every year you will get your present. Well at least that's my wish lah.......

I love you Sayang with all my heart. Remembered you are the first human being that love me unconditionally and I will always love you unconditionally too.......

My wish for your birthday - that I can bring you out from this living hell life as soon as possible, I want to give you everything that you deserve for in life, all the beautiful things that you deserve and all the happiness that you deserve in life. I want to give you that.....

Once again "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and I really really really love you so so so very much!''

And I started to weep after I read this message. That message was really meaningful. :'( I felt touched and sad and happy all blended together. I don't know what to reply. That message was deeply meaningful to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH MAMA! This is already meaningful to me. I LOVE YOU TO INFINITY! :')

I never gets anything from my dad, he didn't even wish for my birthday. I just know him, a total complete of ignorance. -_-' I don't even care.

Anyway, that's all I want to share with you readers and bloggers. Hope to see you again :)

17th birthday ;)

Wew weww nee noo nee noo. well it's my 17th birthday today! :D well nothing happens actually :( just couple of friends on Facebook sends me wishes. Thank you guys! I appreciate that a lot :) the first one who wished for my birthday was my very best friend, Anita Roslan. Thank you my dear! I'm really really bored staying here. I want to talk to you, I miss you so badly. And sometimes I just want to run away from home! :/ Even my parents haven't wished my birthday yet. I know I'll never get presents from them. I just knew :'( Even my stepfather wished for me. Just FML. Thanks to my friends who really wished for me on my birthday! I MISS AND LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! <3 I wished a lot of things for my birthday and I don't know they will come true or it will comes true 50 years from now on. :/ WTF. And I never enjoyed my birthdays before! Not even one of them. Maybe it was when my one year old birthday like everyone else does. GAAAAH! Whatever it is, I just gotta move on but I will, I WILL make sure on my 18th birthday will be awesome as fuck! hell yeah! :P let's not talk about this anymore. hehee

See the photo above? It's not mine, I got it from Google. Thank you, Google. Just FYI, it's snowing in Poland!! Hahahaa. Awesomee! At first, I look through the window, I thought it was raindrops but hell yeah, it's snowflakes! It was so beautiful! Me and my brother went downstairs to enjoy our very first snowww! hihi. It feels like raindrops fall on us, but it's cold. teheee  It was very nicee. Everything was so white and icy. We just loved it! Then the next day, no more snow since it's raining, but I'm pretty sure it will fall again since it's winter season here. Christmas decorations everywhere. My brother is so excited for Christmas for no reasons, because  for his information, Santa won't come if we are poor. :) That's the fact. But I didn't tell him. I'll broke his heart because I'm a very nice person. Very nice :) Well that's all I guess. See you very soon readers and bloggers! and Merry Christmas :D