Someone in need. Indeed

Day by day passed. I should start enjoying my life. But how? I just can't. This house became the house of sadness and miserable-ness house. I feel like nobody in this house. Mama's gets more stressed day by day. With the madness little monster Sofea around. She's just out of control. Nobody can stand her. The moment when I heard mama's shouting and crying everyday while I was pretending to sleep in my room. Guilt surrounded me, what should I do? should I get up and get her or should I just pretend to sleep like nothing happened? I feel guilty almost all the time. Should I do this or should I not do this. I al most cried everytime I heard mama's started to piss off and shouted to Sofea. And no single fuck was given from Ayah. Why does he has to be such an ignorant?

Mama always said to me, she can't take this anymore, she give up. I just can't stand her saying that word. Sometimes I just feel like it's my fault. Not helping her with everything. And Ayah don't even give a shit about what's going on. What kind of life I'm living now? Sometimes I just hate my life. I still want to live, not to give up but what for when you're just living your life like bunch of shit. People always say shit happens. But shit happens to me like every single day.

Sometimes I just feel like to get out from the house and never come back, but I wouldn't do that. Mama needs me. Even Hakim and Sofea need me. I love them to infinity.

And Sofea, she is such a little cheeky baby! I pissed off a lot with her. With her mischievous little face. She's a very demanding little girl. Taking care of her is the hardest task. But when I remember back then when she's asleep, I think she is the most adorable little girl ever lived on earth :)

I miss her. Can't wait to see her tomorrow. She just made my day more colorful :)